He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
