I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
