You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
