Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
