I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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