Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
