see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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