I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
