if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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