i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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