Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
