whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
