Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
