the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
