I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
