do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
