He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
