im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
