he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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