thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
