Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
