pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
