I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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