Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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