puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
