Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
