The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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