After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
