we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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