WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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