Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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