We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
