I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
