He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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