are you still at the devil's house?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
