we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
