You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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