You really coming over, don't trick.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
