I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
