I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
