We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
