I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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