yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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