i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
