I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
