Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
