ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
