Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
