Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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