there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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