i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
