Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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