the day after is always just damage control
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
