i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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