i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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