I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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