The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
