Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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