My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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