Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
