U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
