he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
