i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ruined the universe
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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