You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
