ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
