Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
