I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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