mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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