bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
